I am now editing this post, now having information that I should have had at the time of writing.
Also in grief, time does not pass as normal, what seems an age is yet a short time.
Yesterday I went up the Mountain, to see YF and Mrs YF. The weather was dry and sunny after the night's rain, the wind still chill even down in the valley.
For the first time I walked up the path above the fire road, where he never let me go with him.
He was with me then, and without knowing it I followed the way to their home that he always took.
We are all following his paths up there and he is all around.
The first calf was born, that he had been anticipating so much.
It was good to be there, only half an hour's unhurried walk away, but not easy to come back down.
I tried to do some glaze mixing after lunch, but it is hard . I couldn't get on with it, so went and planted out cauliflower and beet instead.
The Carpenter is finding it hard too. Still no work, and no Col to keep him going either. He has made a start on his tax return-but was tidying his room trying to find his login number....
Lets hope he carries on the impetus and signs on as we need to pay bills.
He has tried three times and it has been a nightmare of being asked for more and more paperwork, lost paperwork, not being sent letters so that he missed appointments and got sent back to square one.
A game of snakes and ladders indeed.
I am aware that I need to look after my health, I am concerned at every little thing, but what I am feeling is normal but not normal.