Friday, 2 December 2011

Winter

has begun. At last there is a chill in the air.

My mother died at 3am. She had said when in her sixties, "if I get sick I won't fight it"

I knew she had had a tremor in her hands since her late thirties at least. Then she came over with my brother to where I was working a few years ago and didn't try to dominate or bully. Eventually that was diagnosed as Vascular Dementia. She was asking to go into a home three years ago, but by the time she succeeded she didn't know why she was there. Then when she broke her hip, although it was healing, she just didn't fight to stay.

I don't feel a loss. Perhaps only of the mother she could have been.

Life moves on.

I am making new beginnings and so is The Carpenter.

He has work until Christmas, let us hope that it leads to more. He has gone the twenty miles to work on his bike today, as there is no money for fuel to drive. At least he is working in the same city as The Oily One, so he can have a lift some days.

He has started sorting and tidying the house and I'm glad to be doing this with someone else for a change!! Now we need to get The Oily One to drastically reduce his footprint in the house!!

I threw a dozen salt pots yesterday and they are looking good so far.
Storage jars today...how big a jar do you need for pasta shapes, and what size jar holds a kilo of muesli?!!

I think I need to use clay a little softer that yesterday.....my hands were complaining bitterly last night.

17 comments:

Hawthorn said...

I wanted to say sorry, but each time I wrote it, it felt to be coming out wrong, so instead I will say -
remember the good times and keep them safe and here's to new beginnings xx

gz said...

just so

The Barefoot Crofter said...

Sending a hug anyway - they never go wrong. xxx

Jo said...

Sorry about your mother, but yes: I hear you. Felt the same way after my father died.

smartcat said...

When my sister died I made a conscious decision to mourn the big sister who was a part of my life all through my life and ignore the rest.

Toes crossed for good job and good pots!

P.S. my word verification is catless....what kind of world is that?

Gary's third pottery blog said...

I find that making pots settles the upset mind too. Best wishes to you.

liZZie said...

I think I know what already having done grieving before they die feels like - it's just that when they finally go there is no longer absolutely any chance left of ever being mothered. Made me a better than a 'good enough' mum though.

Zhoen said...

Don't be surprized if this hits you harder over the next week than you expect. On the other hand, you have good folks around you, and a lot to do, which helps.

Mouse said...

(o)

The Cranky Crone, she lives alone! said...

The one thing we can be certain of in this life is that nothing ever stays the same!
Loss is loss good or bad, and has an effect on us and usually a big muddy mixture to boot.
Love the sound of your storage pots, cant wait to see them.
and by the way you sound like a lovely mum, good job honey!

gz said...

@smartcat, a shocking word!!

red dirt girl said...

((Hugs))
xxx

Relatively Retiring said...

Thinking of you and yours, and wishing you peace and more malleable clay.

Bella said...

I have just seen your blog, but was saddened in more ways than one when I read this.

I hope you get by with your family and craft.

WOL said...

I don't know which is worse; losing a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly, or having to watch the person they were dribble away until nothing is left but an empty husk, and death becomes a relief. Even if your relationship with your parent was problematic, you will still have to come to terms with the reality that something that was in your world yesterday is not there today. This has been such a hard year for you. E-hugs and hopes that life will quit bearing down on you (and your sons) so hard and so relentlessly, and give you some room to breathe. I am glad The Carpenter has found work. Having both of them employed now must be a relief. I hope the weather will not turn nasty. Having to travel 20 miles on a bicycle in good weather is daunting enough.

gz said...

WOL, I'm afraid that when she was in my world she bullied me mentally and physically. As they say, you can't choose your family. I sinned by not being a boy, and by being a tomboy.
I left home forty years ago, and had practically no contact since my father died, seven years ago. Even before that, there were times she could have helped us, but refused or hindered.
It is frustrating that we have cousins out there that I've wanted to get to know since thirty years, but that she refused to give any information that she had, because she herself wasn't interested. But apart from that, nothing.

madpotter1 said...

Hey gz, my mom passed severals ago and found it quite freeing for the first time in 50 years. Life has gotten better as the years moved on. Have done things different with my girls, we have a good time and find things to laugh about, couldn't find much to laugh about with mom. Stay strong and carry on, now is all we have. Blessings be......